Stage fright
by SerenasShirtCollection
Summary: Bernie and Serena discover their feelings for each other, helped by some musical theatre songs... Eternal thanks to tea and shoelaces for beta-ing the start of this before I buried it in the depths of Googledocs never to be recovered (until now obviously). This has almost no relevance to any canon events but just to be clear, anything post 'Back in the ring' didn't happen.
1. Drink with me

I don't own Holby city or the characters, if I did it would be a lot gayer and very very badly written.

* * *

Serena sighed, her face visibly relaxing as she took a moment to breathe. It had been a particularly difficult day and this was the first time she could remember being able to breathe since walking through the AAU doors at the start of her shift. Two coaches had collided on the ring road and, as the closest hospital, Holby had to pick up the pieces. AAU had been swamped all day with referrals from the ED. _It was lucky_ , thought Serena, _that all of the team had been in_. God knows what would've happened if Fletch, Raf, or Bernie hadn't been there. It had been hectic enough without having to deal with locums and agency staff.

But there was something else, too. It was an RTA. The injuries didn't get to her as much as when she had been at med school. But the more serious ones did still linger in her mind. The taxi driver stuck under a lorry for three hours before they could cut him free. The seven year old girl rescued from a burning car, her pink tutu singed black.

The consultant sat at her desk, her mind drifting.

She was so distracted that she didn't hear the gentle tapping at first. It was only when a delicate, and slightly apprehensive, "Serena?" came through the locked office door that she realised there was someone on the other side of it.

 _Bernie_. Serena thought. "I'm coming. I'm coming." she breathed. Taking a moment to calm herself down as she approached, she unlocked the catch.

"How can I help you?" She dropped her professional consultant pretence as soon as her eyes found the woman responsible for the tapping. Bernie looked almost as exhausted and Serena felt. Her was golden hair more tousled than usual after hours of being raked with gloved fingers. Serena had to fight the urge to flatten it to its usual wavy self. Something about Bernie's demeanour was far from her usual strong appearance. This was a thing she had only seen a few times, when Marcus found out about her affair and later that day when she herself had stupidly and coldly rejected her when she had no one else. That mistake still troubled the consultant although she was glad that they had overcome it.

A husky voice snapped Serena from her thoughts. "We were thinking of going to Albie's as a sort of celebration for surviving such an awful day," the blonde explained. "And considering the week we've had, I think we deserve it," She continued as she threw her right arm in the air in exasperation. It was then that Serena noticed that they were not alone. Fletch and Raf were stood slightly away from the door, deep in conversation about a homework project of Evie's. They looked almost more exhausted than the two consultants.

It was true. Their week had been hectic to say the least, two major accidents in five days was a hell of a feat. It was a wonder that they had survived themselves. "I'm not sure" said Serena finally. Thinking the only place she wanted to be now was at home wrapped in duvet and trying not to think about the amount of paper-work she was going to have to fill out after this.

"Oh come on Serena. You look like you need a break as much as I do." joked the ex army medic. The brunette couldn't argue with that. However she still resisted letting her colleagues get her drunk; god knows what she'd say. She wasn't herself today. Serena scrambled to think of a suitable reason for her declining the offer. Jason was away visiting Alan so he couldn't be used as an excuse. His normal slot of a Wednesday had been moved to today which had, unsurprisingly, caused all sorts of problems-most of which centred around Jason missing 'The World's strongest man' on television.

Thinking of Jason made Serena sigh, forcing her back to the present situation. She realised she had been asked a question when she saw the hopeful hazel eyes of the blonde staring back at her slightly confused darker ones. Serena could clearly see the purple clouds hanging like suitcases under her eyelashes, she wondered if hers looked as bad. "Sorry what did you say?".

Bernie's forehead knotted momentarily, she had never seen Serena be anything but together, today she hardly recognised her. "I was asking if you were going to join us but it seems you don't have a choice."

"What?" Exclaimed the slightly startled brunette.

"You're coming with us whether you like it or not!" answered the blonde as she picked up her friends scarf from the hook and placed her bag in her hand. _I'm not leaving you alone in this state_ , she thought as she draped the scarf around Serena's slender shoulders. They had only been working together a short time and Bernie could already consider her colleague as a friend. She wasn't about to let her wallow in a bottle of shiraz, alone, with not even Jason for company. Using the leverage of the scarf she practically yanked Serena from the door in order to close it. Once accomplished she turned to the two men. Having broken their conversation to observe the proceedings, they looked relieved that their boss had finally been convinced to join them.

Serena gave in to the fact that she couldn't resist the "invitation" any longer and the four of them exited the ward. Fletch and Raf walked in front, resuming the discussion about how best to tell Evie that Raf'd forgotten to do the homework project he'd promised to help her with.

The two women walked in silence. They were far too tired and far too sober for idle conversation. Bernie kept shooting brief glances at her colleague. Her worried looks were met with forced smiles and the occasional exasperated sigh from the brunette. She could get fed up of her worrying all she wanted, Bernie was not going to stop until Serena stopped acting so different.


	2. If I loved you

This is the chapter where the whole fic kinda sprung from and of course was inspired by Catherine's tweet from ages ago (May 4th to be exact, it was my birthday).

I don't own anything.

* * *

The night had started slowly. Serena practically refused to drink anything for the first hour. Even after Bernie had bought the consultant a bottle of her favourite, _and very expensive,_ shiraz, she barely took a sip.

However, after some coaxing from the increasingly intoxicated Fletch and Raf along with pleading and exasperation from a still sober Bernie, she had been able to a level of drunk where she had forgotten about the events of the day.

The four had moved from the bar to one of the tables at the edge of Albie's. They were laughing about a story Raf was very animatedly describing. It was getting quite late and Raf was really very drunk, so watching him trying to string a sentence together was hilarious never mind the actual story he was telling. The doctor was right in the middle of the another joke when a group of junior doctors from the ED announced that they were starting a karaoke.

The most sober of the group got up to set up the event. 'Songs from the movies' was eventually chosen as the category. The four from AAU turned their attention to the other side of the bar where the karaoke was being held, Raf abandoning his story as they watched the series of terrible attempts at singing.

It had been almost an hour and the word "terrible" was still relevant to all the performances. The latest being a nurse from paediatrics who was attempting a rendition of 'Take my breath away' from 'Top gun'. Bernie made a crack about the nurse not being able to fly a plane when she couldn't even read the lyrics on the screen as she laughed at yet another mis-sang line. The joke wasn't particularly funny but it caused Serena to dissolve into fits of drunken giggles.

The two consultants had been joking about people's singing all the way through the night. Serena had been particularly critical about the singing technique earning her looks from her friend that said "as if you could do better in this state". The brunette was just about to make a quip about the nurse having seemingly stopped the torture when said nurse suddenly decided to demonstrate her best strangled cat impression. A barely distinguishable "Take my breaath awaaaay" burst unexpectedly through the room causing Serena to leap over her blonde companion screaming "Watch out for broken glass!" resulting in the two women breaking in to fits of hysterics yet again.  
They had just about recovered from their giggles by the end of the song when the next title came up. It read" If I loved you- Carousel".

A bawly "What's that?" came from the group of doctors followed by a series of laughter as they obviously found it hilarious. "Oh for christs sake, they don't even know any of the good songs!" exclaimed Serena, spilling her shiraz as she threw her arms in the air.

"Who's gonna do it then, eh?" shouted Fletch, him and Raf having moved to join the group from the ED earlier in the karaoke session. Fletch had known a few of the older ones from when he used to work down there and they had been better company than the two complaining consultants.

The women in question were sat at the table furthest away from the makeshift stage which made them look, Raf had thought, _like some kind of judging panel._ Although, they were a bit louder and gigglier than most judges he'd ever seen. Also, he thought, _most judges wouldn't be collapsed on top of each other on a sofa-seat,_ as the two were now _, after their most recent round of guffawing laughter._ In fact, he had been observing them as the night went on, _they do have a habit of touching each other at every possible opportunity. A hand on an arm when they were speaking or on a knee to brace themselves as they laughed._ At this moment the brunette was curled up, bare-foot with one hand resting on Bernie's knee and the other on the back of the seat and being used to prop up her head. Bernie, by comparison was alot more upright, only learning slightly over to Serena, her head resting millimetres from that of the brunette and her right arm trapped between the lower back of the her friend and a cushion.

Raf dismissed the thought he was having about the two clinical leads and focussed back on the ED group.

The song was still unclaimed, but years of use had meant that the skip button on the machine had actually broken, making it impossible to avoid. People glanced hopefully around the bar for some willing volunteers, barely noticing the two women entwined at the back. No one claimed the song and they were considering just letting it play as they waited for the next one.

She didn't know what came over her but all of a sudden Bernie found herself dragging a very startled Serena after her for the second time that evening. She hardly realised it but she was taking them towards the makeshift karaoke stage. The rest of the bar stared at them in shock, none more so than their AAU colleagues, as the two powerful and somewhat feared consultants passed their tables. One steaming ahead dragging the other, still very much without shoes, stumbling behind.

Soon the pair were stood, microphones in hand, listening to the intro of the song from Carousel and waiting for the lyrics to start scrolling.

"I'm Julie!" Serena remembered to scream, almost knocking over the blonde in a rush to claim her favourite character before the singing started. "Okay, sure you are" muttered Bernie, still in shock that she had put herself up to this.


	3. For good

This is absolute crack and I'm sorry. I also realised that the original post of this chapter was full of typos so I've updated it since and I'm very sorry about that, it should make more sense now. Holby city does not belong to me and I don't own any of the wonderful characters in this chapter.

* * *

It was kind of like the morning after the night before. Except it was Monday so it was actually three mornings after, and 'the morning after the night before' usually implies that somebody had sex, which very definitely didn't happen.

The weekend had been spent, by both women, doing very non-exciting things. Serena had, after spending much of Saturday morning recovering from her hangover, finally decided to tackle her mountain of paper-work from the RTA. Reports for the board, discharge papers, treatment reports… And Bernie spent it as usual, alone in her rented flat thinking about Marcus, the children, Alex, and unusually this week, Serena.

The two women met in the queue at Pulses and fell into their usual routine. They worked the same shift most days and had become quite accustomed to a black coffee in the morning to wake them up. It had become common for them to enter the lift together, both with a coffee in hand, two sugars for Serena, none for Bernie, chatting as they braced themselves for another hectic shift on AAU.

This particular morning they had also shared the lift with Oliver and Zosia on their way up to Darwin. The four had exchanged greetings before falling into a comfortable silence. Bernie and Serena stepped out of the lift on AAU and headed straight to their office. Dumping bags and coats, they slumped in their chairs, thankful for the chance of a proper conversation. Neither of them remembered fully what had happened on Friday but they both had horrid recollections of a karaoke.

"Please tell me that I dreamt we sang Carousel on Friday" sighed Serena, deciding that one of them had to bring it up.

"Not unless I had the exact same dream as you" Bernie was kind of hoping she'd dreamt it as well. She had woken up in her uncomfortable rented bed on Saturday with a banging headache and the only thing on her mind was Serena, lyrics from their karaoke song swirling in her head. She had spent the morning overdosing on caffeine and aspirin trying to seperate the truth from her drunk imaginings. After much deliberation she had come to a conclusion. They had been at Albie's. They had drunk too much Shiraz. And a karaoke was started up in which she thought her and Serena had ended up singing. The only thing she couldn't explain was the warm feeling that she got in her stomach whenever she thought of the night.

"Dear god" was all Serena could think to say. She took another sip of her coffee in an effort to hide her embarrassment. Performance had never really fazed Serena although this particular karaoke had her all jittery at the mere thought of it. Although she didn't like to admit it, she knew that her jitters were the fault of a certain Berenice Wolfe.

Smiling softly to herself, Serena recalled a moment in the song where her feet had momentarily lost their balance and she'd ended up in the arms of her blonde companion as they slurred over their very drunken approximation of the lyrics. Her heart fluttered beneath her leopard print shirt like a bird was trapped in her chest. She averted her eyes from Bernie finding it impossible to maintain eye contact.

 _Look at me, smiling like a little schoolgirl. Pull yourself together woman._

She started to laugh, the smile that was playing on her lips spread wider, lighting up her coffee coloured eyes. She noticed Bernie staring at her, confused about what she was laughing at which just made her amusement grow further, her cheeks now almost crimson.

Watching the brunette over the rim of her coffee cup, Bernie noticed that Serena's eyes were still firmly rooted on her desk. She decided not to notice the blush slowly filling her fellow consultant's cheeks as she laughed.

Bermie tried to stay serious, a look of confusion fixed on her features but in the end she couldn't help but join in with the crazy outburst. Soon both women were shaking with uncontrollable hysteria. Bernie gasped for breath, almost screaming "I can't believe we actually did that!" _Bloody hell_ _she looks attractive when she laughs_ was a thought that entered, well, both the women's heads.

"You actually did pretty well considering you couldn't stay stood up!" remarked Bernie. Serena proceeded to tell her that she was "actually a good singer I'll have you know!" She used to do musical theatre back in uni apparently. The blonde scoffed at this.

"Yeah right"

She instantly regretted the comment as her friend downed the rest of the coffee and lent forward, a competitive twinkle in her eye.

"Is that a challenge?" The brunette smirked, using an elbow to steady herself she lifted slightly off her chair towards the join of the two women's desks.

 _Oh god_ thought Bernie. She suddenly had a problem with her breathing.

"Y-yes" she managed to stutter, mentally cursing herself. She couldn't manage to tear her eyes away from the woman in front of her. She had risen out of her chair so Bernie could see through the gap in the top of her shirt to the black lace underneath.

Serena raised her eyebrow "Are you sure about that Ms Wolfe?" she purred as she from her desk. Bernie could feel her heart drumming on her rib-cage so fast she was sure her friend could hear it.

"Not that you'd know a thing about theatre anyway, being a big macho army medic and all" She was practically drawling now and she moved ever closer to Bernie.

Eventually Serena relented her teasing and after much disagreement about Bernie's knowledge of musicals they had gotten themselves into a hopeless game. Serena would sing lines of a song, if Bernie could guess the song in three lines then she got a point. If she couldn't, Serena got a point.

After a few songs, Serena was completely invested in the game to the lengths of resorting to terrible performance antics to distract the blonde. _Or that was her excuse anyway._

"Big spender! Sweet charity!" exclaimed Bernie, proud that she had guessed, Serena's cabaret dancing had given it away slightly. The woman in question paused mid sentence, hand holding an invisible hat above her head. "You're getting good at this!"

 _I'm going to have to make this harder if I'm going to win._ The twinkle returned to her eye as she perched herself on the edge of Bernie's desk. Staring down at the wavy blonde hair of her friend, she pulled a mock-emotional face and breathed in deeply. She was acutely aware of their closeness but had more important things to focus on.

"I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason" she began teasingly, knowing Bernie was unlikely to guess. However, Bernie recognised it instantly, the only problem being she had completely forgotten the name. "Bringing something we must learn" Serena clasped her hands in front of her chest, faking distress. The blonde laughed at this, her face a mixture of amusement and confusion. _What is the name of that damned song?_

 _And we are lead to those who help us most to grow, if we let them and we help them in return._ Bernie's thoughts mirrored the sung words of Serena.

She almost carried on the song but Serena stopped herself when she realised she'd won another point. Rising from Bernie's desk, she felt a strong hand on her thigh pulling her back down.

"Wait, wait! Carry on! I know that song!" Bernie desperately scanned her memory for the name.

"No way! That's not fair!"

Now it was Bernie's turn to tease. Doing her best puppy eyes she pleaded with her colleague.

"Oh come on Serena, I promise I know it"

"Sing it then."

It was a logical request but one that made Bernie falter for a second. Drunk karaoke was one thing. A sober serenade was definately another.

"Okay" she decided proving Serena wrong was worth it.

As already demonstrated on Friday, Bernie wasn't what you would call a good singer and, judging by her repeated cringes, she knew it. Her cheeks were on fire and her eyes were firmly rooted on a bubble in the foam of her coffee as she sang the first verse.

Bernie reached the end of her part and waited in suffocating silence for Serena to start hers.

 _Bernie what were you thinking. She'll hate you now. What will she be thinking?,_ Bernie had worked herself in to a frenzy and was considering running from the office. She almost made a move, convinced Serena was laughing at her, but then she heard the delicate words of the brunette.

All pretence and fake emotion had gone and she could clearly hear the sweetness in Serena's voice. Bernie's eyes lifted from the coffee cup to meet those of her colleague.

It was a blur. Neither could think about anything other than the song and the eyes of each other. They were so focused on the depths of colour in each other's irises that the fact the song was over was completely lost on them. So they stayed, looking at each other and trying to keep their breathing steady.

Unknown to them Raf was stood in the doorway, he had been watching them for a while. He would have gone away but he really needed another opinion on a patient of his. The Scott recalled the song that the two had sang on Friday. He had been very drunk but your two bosses singing a love song isn't something you can really forget.

As fun as standing and speculating about the two clinical leads was, he really did need this second opinion.

The knock at the door failed to break the two from their trance. Raf had to walk right over to them and clear his throat to get their attention.

Bernie jumped, aware of her hand still on Serena's leg. She slid the hand over Serena's knee and on to the table, the redness spreading from her cheeks to her ears, searching for words to explain their current situation. She was saved by Raf who spoke first.

"Sorry to interrupt but I need assistance with Mrs Roache in bed 4"

Serena wanted the ground to swallow her up. _He knew._ How could Raf not have noticed the look she had been giving Bernie when he had walked in? She wanted to undo the last couple of days, _the last couple of months_ , undo Bernie. Serena had always been aware of her attraction to women but she had never acted on it until Bernie. _Not that she had acted on it but she was going to have to if they kept this up._ She had been in blissful denial, living a relatively happy life and then Bam! there she was. The cause of all her recent anguish. Cigarette in hand, advising her on car mechanics. Serena was sure the advice had been very helpful but she had not listened to a word. Instead her eyes scanned over the blonde, her gorgeous wavy hair, slender strong frame, and back up to her stormy brown eyes. Getting to know Bernie had been one of the worst and one of the best things that she had ever done.

Raf passed the blood results over in the general direction of the women and Bernie grabbed them. She had recovered from their predicament a lot better than Serena had, the brunette appeared to be lost in some sort of trance. Sensing this, Bernie guided Raf out of the office whilst discussing a possible diagnosis.

Serena's head was swimming. _What the hell just happened?_


	4. I'll cover you

I'm sorry if this is slightly angsty, my two story threads collide with a slight fizzle, I was going to say a bang but it's not really that dramatic. Also I did some medical research but you should know that I am fully aware that most of this, in medical terms, is terribly inaccurate. Also a chance to say thank you for everyone who has commented/ followed/ favourited etc. much love, I can't believe anyone thinks this is half decent.

I don't own Holby city or the characters.

* * *

Serena saw nothing of Bernie for the rest of the day. She caught glimpses of her from across the ward but their paths never crossed and she went home at 6 still not having spoken to the woman since their encounter earlier in the office.

The following morning had been much the same. Bernie was out on the ward or in theatre and Serena was holed up in the office completing her seemingly never ending pile of patient reports from Friday. It was approaching her lunch time and she only had four left. Taking another long swing of her coffee and wishing it was something stronger she took the first one from the pile.

John Mackintosh. Coach driver. Surprisingly lucky, considering his profession. He had two broken ribs and a ruptured spleen. They had taken him into surgery and managed to repair the damage. Done. Signed.  
Sarah Brown. Passenger on a coach. 64 years old. Mild brain damage caused by the impact and nothing but cuts and bruises otherwise. Transferred to neuro. Done. Signed.

Georgie O'Neil. 8 years old. Mum was driving a car that got caught up in the crash. A coach swerved and knocked them off the road, the right side, with Georgie in it, was smashed against a barrier. She had serious internal bleeding, two broken ribs, and a fractured pelvis. Her mum had died on the scene and the other passenger, her sister, had been transferred up to Keller with minor injuries. Georgie died in the theatre. They had fought but the internal damage was too great for them to deal with. She was only eight years old and Serena couldn't bear it.

Raf and Bernie had just taken another patient in to theatre, Mr Knowles in bed 7 had finally been discharged and Millie Rawlinson in bed 2 had just thrown up all over Fletch, again. He couldn't hold the fort by himself any longer. The blinds in the office were closed which means only one thing. Serena is still doing her paper work, _great_. A deep breath and a rather nervous walk later, Fletch knocked on the door.

This office really needed a doorbell. Serena never seemed to here the knocking these days. Fletch knocked again but after no answer for the third time, he walked in. "Ms Campbell I think…" the nurse began but he stopped dead when he saw her. The tears in her eyes made them look almost not real. Like her irises were little fish in fish bowls. Her whole body from the waist up was jolting with each sob as she tried desperately to keep the water in her eyes.

"Serena?"  
"Oh… um" The woman tried to fight the tears, trying to take her mind off the reports.  
"I'm really sorry but Millie Rawlinson is complaining that she needs to see a doctor, and she just threw up on me again" stated Fletch, indicating to his yellow-tinged scrubs by way of proof.  
"Yes, yes of course. I'll be right out"  
Fletch exited the office, giving Serena time to compose herself before following him. She did so and in a few minutes Serena had all but forgotten about Georgie as it turned out Millie Rawlinson was rather difficult to diagnose. They were awaiting test results and there was nothing more Serena could do on the ward so she returned to her last two files.

The surgery had been successful, Bernie left the theatre meerly half an hour after starting the operation. She returned to the ward and was immediately called over my Fletch."Have you seen Serena?"  
"Well no, I've only just got out of theatre, I…"  
"You might want to go speak to her, she looked a bit upset earlier and I thought you might be able to help"  
Fletch knew that Bernie was most likely person for Serena to open up to. Since she had been transferred down to AAU, the two had become very close.  
"Y-yes sure" stuttered the blonde, her mind racing and she approached the office. _Is it me? Is she okay? It's my fault. It was the stupid song, I knew it was a bad idea. She will have seen the way you looked at her, she knows now. The relationship you had is 's no way that she'll feel the same._ Bernie had a habit of over thinking things.

Her fingers lingered on the door handle of their shared office before she entered.

Serena sat with a pen in her hand, staring blankly at the patient report in front of her. A cup of coffee lay on her desk, full but no longer steaming.  
Unsure how to proceed, Bernie closed the door and moved in to the office, hoping to alert the brunette of her presence. Serena had heard her enter, but couldnt function well enough to move her eyes from the report in front of her. She was unsure how long she had been sat there but she had still not read a single word of the report bar the name. Gordon Chalmers.

Gordon was 64, he had died within minutes of getting into theatre. A passenger on one of the coaches who had been returning from the toilet when the collision happened. His wife and daughter had been sat at the back of the coach so had been discharged from the ED with only cuts and bruises, only to be called back to be told of Gordon's death.

"Serena?" she heard Bernie whisper. It failed to break her from her trance as her eyes slowly started to glaze over.  
"Serena?" the blonde repeated, crowching by the desk and placing a hand over Serena's, gently rubbing her thumb across her fingers to soothe her.  
"I'm sorry" uttered Serena.  
"It's stupid but I..." She faltered, forcing back tears. Bernie stayed silent, knowing any word from her wouldn't help the situation. Her even thinking about opening up to Bernie was a massive thing and she dared not push it.  
"RTAs. I know it's stupid but…" Another pause.  
"My first job, first case, a lorry swerved into a barrier on the M1. Of course I was only an F1 but I started my rotation on an acute admissions ward so I ended up involved"  
She paused and started to fiddle with the necklace laying on her chest.  
"There was a pile up of almost 20 cars. We lost almost half of our patients." She took another shaky breath knowing how silly she must sound to the trauma surgeon.  
"I cried. I cried for days afterwards. I'd always assumed that it was something you get used to. That it would stop affecting me as I got older."  
She looked Bernie in the eyes then.  
"Most of the time I'm fine but sometimes it creeps up on you, you know?"  
Then she lost it. Tears broke through her invisible barriers and cascaded down her cheeks. Bernie leapt up to catch her in a hug, letting her cry on her shoulder for a few minutes. Serena clung onto Bernie and tried to find comfort in the familiar sent of her.

"I cried" Serena gulped back her sobs, glancing up at the blonde as she talked.  
"When I came back from Afghanistan."  
"W-what?"  
"In the field, it's like you're in a little bubble and all you focus on is saving the patient in front of you at that moment, and if you don't, there's already more waiting for you."  
Bernie pulled away to look Serena in the eye. "Then you get back to reality and it all catches up with you at once. And I cried for them, for all the people we lost because I couldn't cry when I was out there, I couldn't feel. I just had to focus."  
Serena gave her a tentative smile.  
"It's not stupid. No person can ever get used to death. They shouldn't."

"Thank you" Bernie could feel Serena's breath and she whispered in her ear.  
"Thank you"


	5. If I loved you (reprise)

This fic was never supposed to be anything more than a little drabble but I'm practising my writing and I have a lot of spare time so this is getting the brunt of that. It should be over in the next chapter. I hope this is a fitting enough conclusion to the story and that you enjoy it. I'm aware that you can't actually book food for intervals in most places (if any) and I haven't got a clue if Carousel is currently showing (I think it was touring last time I heard) or how far Holby would be from a theatre but just accept that this is slightly au. I don't own Holby city, Bernie, Serena or the musical Carousel.

* * *

Bernie sent Serena home and finished the rest of her paperwork for her, filling the rest of her shift. Soon she was strolling out of the Wyvern entrance, the breeze teasing her curls and she plotted the next stage of the plan. After she has sent Serena home, she had done nothing but think about her. About her dancing in the office and the way her face had lit up every time she scored a point. The feel of her leg under her trousers as Bernie delicately caressed there, singing about people changing each other's lives. Today in the office she had seen a completely new side to the woman. One where her walls were momentarily down and Bernie caught a glimpse of the woman underneath. A woman who is sensitive and deeply affected by the inability to save every patient. Who usually kept this hidden under fake tiredness and disinterest, like she had on Friday, but sometimes lets her facade slip. Serena seems so carefree when she sings. That's something Bernie had noticed. The karaoke was such a good opportunity to see Serena being genuinely happy, and very very hilarious. Bernie laughed out loud as she recalled Serena's drunk antics. If only she could find a good way to show her how much she cared, how much she wanted her to be happy, how much she... No. You can't, not now. Now is about Serena and we need to cheer her up.

"Oh!" Grinning at her sudden light bulb, Bernie quickly made a call.

"Jason. Yes, hi it's Bernie Wolfe"

"Yes I know, I did. She wasn't feeling very well Jason"

She chuckled.

"No she doesn't, that's why she needs me"

"I am"

"Anyway Jason, I have a question to ask you"

Knowing how important Jason's routine was and how much Serena cares about him, she had to make sure that it was okay with him first. He actually seemed glad at what Bernie was planning, saying that Serena had been working too hard and needed a break.

"That's not something I can argue with"

"Yes yes, just don't forget its a surprise, we can't have her finding out early!"

Serena got to work 10 minutes early the following morning, feeling much better. She arrived on the ward to an impeccably tidy office. All her paper work had been filed, all signs of Bernie's trademark mess had gone and she could even see that someone had attempted to clean the filing cabinets. On her desk was a cup of hot coffee, a bottle of Yellow tail shiraz and an envelope. With no sign of her office partner, who was no doubt behind this, she sat down.

Serena couldn't think what on earth she'd done to deserve all of this. She had expected it to be awkward between them after the singing incident and was glad that she had managed to avoid Bernie quite well. Up until yesterday of course. She sat and wondered what the bloody hell was going on for a few minutes before deciding that she had better open this envelope to find out exactly why she had made all this fuss. Bernie hadn't written Serena's name in her tell tale scrawl on the envelope, that wasn't what gave her away but the lack of a name told her that it was definately from Bernie. She was the only person Serena knew who would forget.

The envelope wasn't even sealed. Maybe she had been in a rush, it wouldn't be a surprise.

Inside was a small note and two tickets. Serena smiled and gave a knowing look to no one in particular.

"Serena.

Please don't refuse or tell me that I'm stupid. I've asked Jason and he's okay with losing you for the night. I've ordered a taxi to pick you up at 6. No arguments, Serena Campbell. You deserve this.

Bernie. x"

Serena knew how good Bernie could be at buying gifts, the survival pack had been one of the best presents she had ever received and this was no different.

She found Bernie at the nurses station with Fletch, who immediately left to see a patient when he saw her approach.

Bernie grinned her lopsided grin, knowing Serena must have seen what she'd spent a whole hour before her shift on.

"You really pick your days to be early don't you. You nearly caught me red-handed"

"So that's what Raf was doing. Spying for you" Serena had seen him on her way in, acting very suspiciously.

Bernie blushed and dipped her head, trying to hide her cheeks with her hair.

"What's the occasion?"

"You seemed like you needed cheering up a bit, that's all"

"Bernie-"

"Don't start. As I said, it's all cleared with Jason and I know you have no previous plans so you really can't argue" Bernie sidled over to Serena.

"Fine but I still don't know why I deserve all this"

Bernie had to bite her tongue then. There were so many things she could say to answer that question but it was only Thursday and their friendship had to survive the two days until Saturday, when she had decided to she needed finally say what had been on her mind lately.

It was twenty to six on Saturday and Serena was stood in front of her mirror in her underwear trying to decide what to wear. Two relatively new dresses were laid out on her bed. One was red and sleeveless, adorned with orange flowers which Serena decided made it too summery for the occasion, after trying it on, twice. The other was black and rather boring and she wanted to make more of an effort. Her normal outfit of a shirt and trousers seemed too predictable and she wanted to surprise Bernie with something fancy. She didn't know why she was putting so much thought into her outfit. Bernie had said so herself, it was only as a present to cheer her up. It didn't mean anything, it wasn't a turning point in their friendship, or god forbid, a date. Wasn't it? A trip to the theatre to see her favourite musical, one that had particular significance between them, with what undoubtedly were very expensive seats and food booked for the interval. All this seemed a bit extravagant to simply cheer her up. She was going to try not to be presumptuous about what this night out actually was. That being said Serena was still determined to get her outfit just right. It took her another 5 minutes to pick a dress that she satisfied with. It was black, off the shoulder, and reached half way down her calves, Perfect.

Deciding that she may get cold she grabbed a shawl to drape around her shoulders before slipping into her trademark kitten heels.

It was five to six.

She gave herself another once over in the mirror and ran down the stairs.

"Auntie Serena"

"Yes Jason"

"Why do you only have one earring in?"

"Oh sh-shoot"

The taxi arrived whilst Serena was till trying to find her matching earring.

She yelled "I'm coming!" in the vague hope that the driver somehow heard her from upstairs.

"Aha!"

She stuffed it in her bag and sprinted out the door throwing a quick "Goodbye Jason. There's food in the fridge" over her shoulder as she went.

Bernie was already there. Stood outside the entrance in order to spot Serena when she arrived. She was wearing black suit trousers and a white shirt. Her original outfit had also featured suspenders but she had taken them off in the taxi with a sudden lack of self-confidence. Now debating putting them back on, she wondered what Serena would choose to wear. A dress, she thought, and a very beautiful one at that. Her mouth involuntarily watered at the thought of Serena in a posh dress. Bernie hoped that she could contain herself whilst they were in an enclosed space with each other for 4 hours. Her plans would compromise their friendship enough without her practically launching herself at Serena. Deciding to bite the bullet and go for it Bernie tried to pull the suspenders back out of her bag and attach them to her trousers without raising too many eyebrows. She was just fastening the final clip when she saw the taxi arrive. Serena stepped out, handing a £20 note to the driver before she scanned the crowd for Bernie. The near see-through material of the shawl let Bernie see that the dress underneath had an incredible neckline and exposed the skin on her shoulders to the cold breeze. She noticed Serena's heels were even higher than her usual choice and black to match the rest of her outfit.

Serena spotted Bernie looking directly at her. She shivered and pulled the shawl closer around her shoulders before running up the steps to her friend.

"You look breathtaking Serena" Bernie breathed, unable to stop herself.

"You look..." Serena trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Were they a bad idea?"

"W-what?"

"The suspenders?"

"No, no"

Serena was speechless. She knew Bernie was unlikely to wear a dress but she hadn't expected this. Her top two shirt buttons were undone, allowing Serena a view of the skin that lay there. The shirt itself was incredibly tight fitting and showed off Bernie's toned torso brilliantly. It was tucked into what appeared to be the same trousers that she had worn to work earlier in the week. Although they looked altogether more glamorous paired with her heeled boots and of course those suspenders.

"They're, you're... you look beautiful"

Her voice involuntarily cracked and she fought the urge to bring a hand to her face.

Bernie blushed at the honesty in Serena's voice.

"Well I hope you haven't forgotten the tickets because good luck sneaking in in those heels"

Serena grinned and whipped them out of her bag. "Ready?"

 _As ready as I'll ever be_ thought Bernie.

The two women fought their way through the crowd and up the stairs, approaching an usher to direct them to their seats.

"Hello ladies, welcome to this evening performance of Carousel. Allow me to show you to your box"


	6. I do, I do, I do, I do, I do

What can I say? awkward berena was just too cute to not replicate. The last chapter of this fic, which was very difficult to write, especially Jason's character so I'm really sorry if I've represented him badly here. Italics indicate character's thoughts and also Jason on the phone in this, just to confuse y'all. Oh and I've switched points of view quite freely throughout this fic but I seem to do it more in this chapter so I hope you'll be able to follow.

I don't own Holby city, Bernie, Serena, Jason, or the musical Carousel.

* * *

"Wow Bernie, I-"  
Their seats were in a private box, right by the stage. Serena had been to theatres enough to know that they would be very expensive and difficult to get hold of, especially at such short notice. It seemed like Bernie had made a lot of effort.  
"Well it's um- a special occasion" _Damn._ She froze, realising what she had just said.  
"You-er you said it wasn't?"  
"Well yes. I um-"  
They were interrupted, _thankfully,_ by an announcement over the loud speakers.

"Ladies and gentlemen if you would please take your seats. The performance will start is 5 minutes, please remember to switch off all mobile devices. Any audio or video recording the performance is strictly prohibited"

Serena busied herself digging her phone out of her bag and turning it off after sending a quick text to Jason. Bernie adjusted her seat so she could see the stage without straining her neck, inadvertently moving herself closer to Serena.  
"Oh um sorry" she blushed, letting her hair fall in front of her face.  
Serena gave her a grin as she shifted in her own chair, trying to force lightness _Why was the atmosphere around them so awkward all of a sudden?_

The women sat fidgeting for the five minutes until the performance began. From the first note Serena was mesmerised. Bernie kept glancing over to her hoping to make eye contact but found her friend completely unaware of her glances, focused on the performers. The story wasn't one that Bernie was particularly fond of. A typical love story by the sounds of it, it wasn't something that she would usually choose to see but she knew that Serena loved it and it was particularly relevant to them. She spent most of the first act cursing herself for picking this show. The song that started all this awkward behaviour was almost imminent and she didn't know if she could stay sane.

Serena's breath hitched as she recognised the tune. She glanced over at the blonde and found her already looking back. Every second she could remember of that night was ingrained on Serena's skull, although that wasn't a lot thanks to the Shiraz. She almost wished that she had been sober but knew that it would never have happened had that have been the case. The singers reached the point in the song where Serena had fallen and she had to look away. If she thought really hard she could remember the feel of Bernie's arms around her back and the way that she had lunged forward and rescued her from falling flat on the floor of Albie's. She could almost feel the hands pressed against the small of her back, fingers splayed over the thin material of her shirt. She shivered. Bernie threw her a confused look which she pretended to not see. The woman must know what this was doing to her, it was torture.

Bernie watched Serena as she looked back at her. Her eyes seemed glazed over, focused on something else, the karaoke no doubt. Bernie couldn't shake the feeling that this had been a bad idea, bringing back the memory was obviously making Serena uncomfortable. She looked away and Bernie cursed under her breath, watching Serena ignore the look that she gave her.

Serena stood up as soon as the act was over.  
"I-I'll just head to the toilet" she shouted above the applause, making her way out of the box. She was out of there faster than you could say pulmonary embolism. Bernie made sure she was gone before letting out the breath that she had been holding. Now was the time. She had twenty minutes to somehow explain to the woman how she felt about her. _How the bloody hell was she going to do that?_

A waiter brought their interval snacks and Bernie ordered a bottle of Shiraz. Now all she could do was wait for Serena to return. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, suddenly very conscious of how she looked. She raked her hands through her tousled hair and tugged at her shirt, smoothing the fabric over her stomach. She was almost glad that 'If I loved you' was in the first act, at least it was out of the way. It did create some tension between them though, or rather add what was already there. Any other day the two would get on like a house on fire but today they were both tripping over their sentences left, right, and centre.

Serena eventually, after much standing around, got in to a toilet cubicle and immediately lent against the door and let her eyes fall closed. The atmosphere around her and Bernie was suffocating. She was a complete bag of nerves ever since she had seen Bernie on the steps, it was surely Bernie's outfit, or maybe it was the intimacy of their night out... Whatever it was it had Serena acting like a jittery school girl.

It took another ten minutes for Serena to get back.  
"The queue was an absolute nightmare, I hope we still have time to eat"  
"I hope so too" Bernie smirked as she threw another crouton in to her mouth. "I tried one of everything whilst you were gone and can report that it is all very nice and you shall enjoy it. Apart from these-" she added, swiping the crouton bowl from their snack selection. "these are mine"  
"You're hopeless"  
Bernie shrugged. They both seem to relax slightly, thankful for the food to stop them from talking to each other and making further fools of themselves. They ate in near silence until Bernie decided she had better try and speak what was on her mind.  
"Serena-"  
"Yes?"  
"Um...I-er"  
Serena raised an eyebrow quizzically.  
"Never mind" Bernie pursed her lips and looked away. She was never going to be able to do this.

Serena washed her food down with a long swig of Shiraz straight from the bottle before realising and giving Bernie an apologetic smile. The two hadn't started the wine until that point as they had been provided with glasses of water for the interval. Bernie had thought they would save it until after, after... but seen as she hadn't done it she reckoned that now was as good a time as any.

"Well somebody's thirsty" Bernie joked, her husky voice making Serena want to take another swig.  
"Y-yes, I um" She sighed. "Bernie tonight is proving very difficult and I need wine to cope okay?"  
"Okay just don't drink too much, I don't want to have to have to take a drunk Serena Campbell home- to your home, n-not my home... that is"  
That was a lie. Bernie would much like to take Serena back to her house. She wondered if it had been obvious in her stuttering how she was picturing Serena leaning against her as they stumbled from the taxi into her house, her teasing Bernie about the mess in her flat whilst searching for more wine to drink. How she would snuggle up to her on the couch with her glass of Shiraz and whisper in her ear, how Bernie would lean down and kiss her, moving her hands below the neck line of her dress, slowly reaching around the back to undo the fastening... She blushed and immediately stopped that train of thought. "Right so, yes. No more wine for you"

"Oh stand up, you spoil-sport!"  
Bernie had been quite comfortable applauding from her chair but Serena had stood up a during what seemed like the fifth round of applause and insisted that she join her.  
"Okay okay" She raised her hands in surrender and joined Serena on her feet. Serena's eyes sparkled and she turned back to the stage, cheering loudly. She turned back to Bernie, grinning before cheering again. Eventually the curtain closed for the last time and the two women returned to their seats. Serena could feel the adrenaline rushing through her body as she turned her phone back on. Her mood suddenly fell flat as she saw the screen. Seven missed calls and 20 texts from Jason.

Jason 18.28- Auntie Serena did you mean the pizza or the curry?

Jason 18.30- You said there was food in the fridge but there's a lot of food here and I don't know which you meant.

Jason 18.31- You should be more organised and then you would be able to leave me alone without this happening.

It went on and on and Serena realised that Jason must have not eaten, she should have checked her phone in the interval but what with all her stupid flustering she had forgot. Bernie noticed Serena sigh and then the look of worry that passed over her features.  
"What is it Serena?"  
"Jason. I left him a meal in the fridge but I forgot to tell him which one was for him and now he's panicking because he doesn't know if I mean the curry or the bloody pizza"  
"Give him a call"  
Serena dialled the number and put him on loudspeaker so she could hear above the crowd.

"Ja-"

 _"Auntie Serena I didn't get tom have tea at 7 because I don't know which meal you meant"_

"Jason I'm sorry, do whichever is quickest and I'll be home as soon as I can, okay?"

 _"You should cook more often. Then there wouldn't be so many ready meals in the fridge"_

Bernie tried to suppress a giggle but failed and instead made a sound somewhere between a cat and a sheep, Serena placed her phone to her neck and rolled her eyes at the blonde.

"I would Jason but you know how demanding my job is and I just don't have time"

 _"It's not healthy you know, you should eat more fresh food"_

"-Jason"

 _"Are you coming straight home now your date has finished?"_

Serena turned a shade of red so bright it could paint a London bus.

"Jason this isn't a date and I'll be home as soon as possible okay?"

She hung up briskly and began to frantically explain to Bernie.  
"I-I didn't tell him that it was a date. He must've seen my outfit and jumped to conclusions, I-I'm sorry"  
"Serena it's fine don't worry. Although I must say, I can see why he may have got the idea" Bernie's eyes indicated to the neckline of the dress which was now fully exposed as Serena had removed the shawl for the performance.  
"Well erm- I didn't know how to dress. I didn't know what kind of thing this erm-was" Serena was quick to realise how that sounded. "I mean, obviously not a date but-" she laughed nervously.  
"Isn't it?" Bernie looked at her with a look she had never really seen before. Serena recalled when she had asked herself the same question earlier in the evening, she could do nothing but hold her breath.  
"W-what?"  
Bernie faltered slightly, realising that it was her turn to speak but not knowing quite what to say.  
"Serena I- I organised this today yes to cheer you up but also because I- I- I need to say that, well, I-"  
"Bernie-" Serena breathed, turning her body to fully face the blonde.  
"These past few months, I don't know what's happened to me. I've changed, I'm different and well, it's because of you. I was a mess when i started working here and I seem to have failed to become less of one but you-. You stayed by me even after I lied to you and you helped me fit in and now I have a-a friend more wonderful than I could ever have hoped for. And I don't want to jeopardise that or make you feel uncomfortable but i just can't lie to you any more Serena, I- I love you" She paused, half expecting a slap in the face, but nothing came so she continued. "As a friend, and as more than that. Now I know it's very presumptuous of me to assume you could ever feel the same way about me, about a woman at all, but over these past weeks I've felt that maybe- maybe you might-"  
"I do"  
"W-what?"  
Serena lent forward and placed her hands on Bernie's forearms.  
"I do, I-I do feel the same way. I've changed too. You've made me happier than I've been in a long time and this is confusing for me but I know one thing. I love you Bernie, and I'm not sure quite how, or why but I do. Now let's get out of here before my nephew gets so angry he may eat me for his dinner" Having a sudden thought she added "perhaps you would like to join us?"  
"I-I'd be honoured"

* * *

So... I've finally finished this, I would really like to know your thoughts (and whether you think I massacred Jason's character, or maybe you have a cure for over-use-of-commas-syndrome?)


End file.
